My dog is so good to me. My boss told me about a friend of his that recently died in his sleep and his dog kept running from his bed to his parents and when his parents found his cold body, one of his legs was kept warm from his dog laying on him. His dog kept searching for him in the days after his death. Some moments when life gets hard, I think of that. I think of Sport looking for me, like he waits for me at the door, and it keeps me going.
People wonder if I can leave him, the answer is no, no, definitely not. Sport keeps me going. I'm not going to move forward without him. He might make life a little more challenging, but he keeps my life going. He keeps inspiring me to be better. He is a constant source of pure love in my life and I need that.
I know the future holds changes and I'm scared. I am nervous and anxious about change in my life. Over the past two weeks there have also been intimate conversations that have touched me and help me remember that I am not alone. Life has it's lonely moments when it feels like absolutely everything is falling apart, again, everything seems to be crumbling to the ground and life seems to have no point or structure. The depression and anxiety hit in tidal waves that knock me over and make me not want to move or reach out, I want to hide. I don't want people to see me weak and struggling, still. I don't want to be vulnerable. I stay and hide in my room from the world and from everything, trying to find a moment of peace. I push through the tired, and the stupid comments of a supervisor. I try to help others even when I feel like I have absolutely nothing to give and my energy is beyond gone. I try to survive. These things are real and they are really hard. So remember, you aren't alone. Find what keeps you going and don't let it go.
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